Blog - Codependency, Narcissism, Trauma - Ross Rosenberg

The most influential, and perhaps manipulative element of such self-described “gurus” is the exaggerated promise for long-term relief from exquisitely painful narcissistic abuse.  These “successful” content producers purposely hide their lack of problem-specific education, training, experience, all of which would qualify or disqualify them from being a legitimate codependency or narcissistic abuse treatment specialist.  

Ross Rosenberg answers the most frequent questions about narcissists, narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), narcissistic injuries, healthy narcissism, boundaries and more...

Gaslighting is the systematically applied mind-control strategy that sociopaths and sociopathic narcissists use to covertly prey upon vulnerable Self-Love Deficient/SLD (codependent) individuals. Once the Gaslighter choose their victim, they carefully identify their insecurities and deficits.

I define the Crushing Double Bind as a strategic and systematic campaign to render the methodically weakened SLD helpless, by making them feel powerless and trapped. This Catch-22-like strategy teaches SLDs that any attempt to stop or escape their narcissist causes worse harm than staying put.

The creation of these codependency types help people who normally are in denial about their codependency/SLDD to see themselves in a specific diagnostic “light.” It is impossible to heal codependency/SLDD if you don’t know what it is and how it manifests within you.

I wrote my Human Magnet Syndrome books to help people understand and identify their codependency/SLDD. For the purpose of healing and overcoming what was previously invisible and unknown to them. 

Codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLDD) is a problem of distribution of love, respect and caring, within close, and/or romantic relationships. Codependents give the preponderance of love, respect and caring (LRC), with the hopes of having it reciprocated. All codependents believe that their narcissistic partner will realize their mistakes and finally give them the LRC they want and need. It just never happens.

Ross Rosenberg's Observe Don’t Absorb Technique (ODA) provides a person who is manipulated and/or harmed by an individual who derives power and control through the use of emotional domination, capacity to set successful boundaries with Pathological Narcissists.

Narcissists will use “Induced Conversation" when trying to break down a no-contact initiative or when trying to hoover the codependent/SLD. This is the most effective of all the narcissists manipulative strategies.

Covert narcissists are the worst type of narcissists. They thrive by pretending to be something they are not. They pretend to be altruistic, kind, and codependent. Covert narcissists get what they need out of life by creating a false self. And they hurt people in their most intimate relationships behind the scenes. To unmask a covert narcissist can be very dangerous, because of their manipulative nature and that they are often respected by others.

Like everything else in their lives, pathological narcissists need to be parents so they can feel good/better about themselves. Despite their public proclamations, everything is always about themselves, and never the child. Having a child allows them to fictionally repackage their life in which their buried core shame is replaced with candy-coated feel-good illusions.

A narcissistic injury occurs when narcissists react negatively to perceived or real criticism or judgment, boundaries placed on them, and/or attempts to hold them accountable for harmful behavior. It also occurs when a person does not accommodate a narcissist’s insatiable need for admiration, special privileges, praise, etc. The “injury” also shows up when the narcissist over-amplifies and personalizes benign interpersonal interactions, or when a person with no mal-intentions does not meet the narcissist’s impossible-to-achieve desires for high levels of praise and admiration.

Breaking through to self-love
is the most difficult journey
for paralyzed and anxious
rose bud people,
whose roots are deeply
and inescapably implanted
in the inhospitable soil
of forgotten and discarded dreams.

Many of us have lived in or currently live in a metaphorically dilapidated and dangerous home that fools us into believing it protects us from the risk of harm and danger. As much as we may want to blame another person for “building the home”, making us stay inside it, or inoculating us with fear for wanting to move out of it, we must face the fact that we are also responsible. Since we are not chained inside of the house, the captor needs the captured to believe they belong in such a house. Believe it or not, the locks on the outside doors were installed by both partners.  The challenge is to realize that you always carry the keys for the deadbolt locks and the password for the security alarms.