Blog - Codependency, Narcissism, Trauma - Ross Rosenberg

  • Narcissistic Injuries:
    How to Protect Yourself

    A narcissistic injury occurs when narcissists react negatively to perceived or real criticism or judgment, boundaries placed on them, and/or attempts to hold them accountable for harmful behavior. It also occurs when a person does not accommodate a narcissist’s insatiable need for admiration, special privileges, praise, etc. The “injury” also shows up when the narcissist over-amplifies and personalizes benign interpersonal interactions, or when a person with no mal-intentions does not meet the narcissist’s impossible-to-achieve desires for high levels of praise and admiration.
  • The Journey to Self-Love: On Becoming a Rose: Poem

    Breaking through to self-love
    is the most difficult journey
    for paralyzed and anxious
    rose bud people,
    whose roots are deeply
    and inescapably implanted
    in the inhospitable soil
    of forgotten and discarded dreams.

  • Building Your Dream Home
    The Importance of Self-Love

    Many of us have lived in or currently live in a metaphorically dilapidated and dangerous home that fools us into believing it protects us from the risk of harm and danger. As much as we may want to blame another person for “building the home”, making us stay inside it, or inoculating us with fear for wanting to move out of it, we must face the fact that we are also responsible. Since we are not chained inside of the house, the captor needs the captured to believe they belong in such a house. Believe it or not, the locks on the outside doors were installed by both partners.  The challenge is to realize that you always carry the keys for the deadbolt locks and the password for the security alarms. 
  • Codependent Parental Neglect

    The aim of this article is to neither shame nor blame codependent parents who participate in their family's dysfunction but rather to provide codependency recovery-specific information as well as to open up a discourse on an otherwise taboo subject.

    The codependent abnegation of responsibility to protect their children should never be reduced to a simple "good or bad" proposition. It is simply too complicated to cast a one-dimensional blame net. However, because we live in a society that holds adults responsible for their actions, it is vitally important to understand the consequences and losses that result from Codependent Parental Neglect, even if the person causing the harm is also the victim.

  • "Empath" Is Not the Same as "Codependent"

    I have to be honest, I do not like when the term “empath” is used interchangeably with “codependent.” “Empath,” which has its origins in the spiritual and metaphysical world, was never intended to be a replacement term for codependency. An empath is defined as a person with the paranormal ability to intuitively sense and understand the mental or emotional state of another individual...
  • "Codependency" No More

    “Codependency” is an outdated term that connotes weakness and emotional fragility, both of which are far from the truth. The replacement term, “Self-Love Deficit Disorder” or SLDD, takes the stigma and misunderstanding out of codependency and focuses on the core shame that perpetuates it. However, inherent in the term itself is recognizing the core problem of codependency and its solution.
  • Invisible Trauma: Unearthing Trauma Fossils

    When treating trauma victims and survivors, I conceptualize trauma as a metaphorical invisible wound that is shamefully hidden from others. Many trauma victims hold onto the irrational belief that, by telling someone their story, they would be taking an indefensible risk that could have irreversible and lasting consequences. They are also terrified of the consequences of exposing the perpetrator because of real or imagined judgment, rejection from loved ones, and the consequent loss of important loving and supportive relationships — social and familial isolation.
  • Codependent Love Poem

    Men and women always have been drawn into romantic relationships instinctively, not so much by what they see, feel or think, but more by an invisible and irresistible relationship force.  Ross Rosenberg, a seasoned psychotherapist, professional trainer, and recovering codependent, calls this compelling and seductive “love force” the Human Magnet Syndrome.  “Chemistry,” or the intuitive knowingness of perfect compatibility, is synonymous with the Human Magnet Syndrome.  This is the attraction force that brings compatibly opposite, but exquisitely matched, lovers together: codependents and narcissists.
  • Codependency Anorexia:
    Are You Starving Yourself From Love?

    Codependency Anorexia occurs when a codependent surrenders to their life-long relationship pattern to destructive pathological narcissists. I define codependency as an individual psychopathology that manifests within relationships. The codependent habitually finds themselves in relationships with pathological narcissists, with whom they give the lion’s share of love, respect and care (LRC), while being denied the same. Although they are consistently on the short end of the receiving stick, they stay in the relationship because they are both afraid of being alone and believe that if given enough time, they will be able to change or control the narcissist’s selfishness and entitlement.
  • She Drives a Mercedes, He Rides a Harley
    (The Human Magnet Syndrome)

    Codependents and narcissists have an opposite “magnetic charge,” which makes them a perfectly compatible couple. Metaphorically speaking, the others-oriented person, the codependent, carries a negative charge, while the self-oriented person, the narcissist, carries a positive charge.  In other words, patient, giving, and selfless individuals are predictably attracted to selfish, self-centered, and controlling partners. 
  • We Inherit a Relationship "GPS" From Our Parents

    As an adult, just like your parents and all the previous generations of your family, such a terribly traumatic childhood would result in a future Pathological Narcissism diagnosis - Borderline, Narcissistic, or Antisocial Personality Disorder. Per the Human Magnet Syndrome theory, such a person would be compulsively, reflexively, and automatically attracted to individuals with Self-Love Deficit Disorder (SLD)/codependency.
  • Codependency: Don't Dance!

    The inherently dysfunctional “codependency dance” requires two opposite but balanced partners: a pleasing, giving codependent and the needy controlling narcissist. Like a champion dance partnership, the dancing roles are perfectly matched: the leader needs the follower and vice versa. Or, in other words, the giver-taker dance role combination enables the two to dance effortlessly and flawlessly.