Pathological Narcissism & Narcissistic Abuse
What is Narcissism?
From chapter 3: “Although pathological narcissism is not a new term, I use it in this book to represent a person with one of four disorders. Pathological narcissists are people who fit the diagnostic criteria for either Narcissistic, Borderline, or Antisocial (Sociopathy) Personality Disorders, and/or active addicts. Despite the many differences between these four disorders, they all share core narcissistic personality, thinking, and emotional and interpersonal characteristics.
To varying degrees, all pathological narcissists are selfish, self-consumed, demanding, entitled, and controlling. They are exploitative people who rarely or selectively reciprocate any form of generosity. Pathological narcissists are only empathetic or sensitive to others when doing so results in a tangible reward for themselves and/or when it makes them feel valued, important, and appreciated. Because narcissists are deeply impacted by their personal shame and loneliness, but consciously unaware of it, they do not end their relationships. Positive treatment results are rare for narcissists."
From Chapter 10: “Covert narcissists are masters of disguise—successful actors, humanitarians, politicians, clergy members, and even psychotherapists—who are beloved and appreciated, but are secretly selfish, calculating, controlling, angry, and vindictive. They create an illusion of selflessness while benefiting from their elevated status. Although they share basic traits with the overt narcissist—the need for attention, affirmation, approval, and recognition—they are stealthier about hiding their egocentric motives. Unlike the overt narcissist who parades their narcissism for all to see, the covert narcissist furtively hides their real intentions and identity. These narcissists are able to trick others into believing they are honest, altruistic, and emphatic. They are successful at pretending to be a more likable version of themselves, knowing if their true characters were uncovered, they could not maintain the respect, status, and prestige they so desperately desire.”
Triangulation: Conquering by Dividing
From Video Seminar: Triangulation is used to manipulate, harm, coerce, dominate, and/or control, involving a third person into a relationship, in order to violate a boundary, hurt, control, protect, or punish another person.
- Play everyone against each other, or target one person in a group.
- Gain/maintain power through secretive relationships.
- Facilitate distrust, dislike for the target.
- Distribute propaganda about the target.
- Share negative information that one person said about the other.
- Lie, exaggerate, and/or distort reality.
- If caught, turn it back onto the target.
- Convince each person to keep secrets, to not confront the other.
Observe Don’t Absorb Technique
From Video Seminars: The Observe Don’t Absorb Technique (ODA) provides a person who is manipulated and/or harmed by an individual who derives power and control through the use of emotional domination, capacity to set successful boundaries with Pathological Narcissists (NPD, BPD, ASPD and addicts), and survive the backlash, with a variety of insights, strategies, and tools.
ODA was originally developed to empower and assist people recovering from Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency), who are magnetically attracted to and perpetually stuck in relationships with manipulative and harmful Pathological Narcissists (Narcissistic, Borderline and Antisocial Personality Disorders). Using this powerfully effective defense technique, survivors of Narcissistic Abuse are educated how to “fight back” with the most potent weapon of all: to purposeful, mindful and conscious dissociation. By allowing narcissists to trigger or activate them emotionally, they are helplessly pulled into a fight in which they believe they can win, but never do.
George Bernard Shaw must have known about ODA! His quote, "I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it” embodies the heart and soul of the dilemma Self-Love Deficient (codependents) encounter when facing off with Narcissists.